This is my first journal that i am about to write. So it might be a little complicated, messy? Don’t know. Whatever.
The day started pretty well, i mean as my normal day would start. Woke up somewhere between 10-11 AM.
This is the thing. Whenever i wake up the first thing up on my list is to check up on my phone. Nah, I don’t have so many important calls. I do so just to see if i have a message from the girl that I love.
Just opposite to that what i got on my screen notification’s center is 5 missed calls from my dad.
The thing which I was looking for, her message, was no where to be seen.
I have started to think positive now. So, I thought maybe she was still sleeping. I sent her a message saying, “Hi”.
I don’t remember precisely what i wrote but yeah I’m sure as hell it contained a HI 🙂
Then I was lying in my bed as kept basking to the sun, well not literally 😛
Moments later, Didi (the lady which lives at our place. And yes, She’s married. Shall i call her Aunty? Nah, never mind) came to the door and told me, “Niraj TIGER ko khana khila de”. Oh fuck. Man, I hate this dog. Seriously he has more importance than anyone in this family. At that moment i was doing the thing which i love the most, Sleeping.
I just hated to walk out of the bed. More, I hated the sun that was waiting out there like, “Come son, I’ll burn ya down”.
So, I just ignored and kept tossing and turning in the bed.
Minutes passed. Then I hear the same voice again only the intensity was a bit more stern than the previous one.
I said, “Fuck my life. One can’t even sleep peacefully”. I walked out of my bed went to the Diary shop a couple of blocks away. Bought the ButterMilk which Mr. TIGER is so fond of. Came back.
Then i was searching for the key of the next room and after a few minutes finally located it. Keys should have GPS. Right? One will never go in a frantic search of them ever again. Alright, Jokes apart.
I unlocked the room. Went straight up to the kitchen. Still sleepy. Yeah, seriously i was still hungover.
Fetched the Chapatis for Mr. Oh-I-Am-Your-Boss TIGER. Broke them into smaller pieces. Poured the buttermilk and mixed them both. And gave it to him. The boss came, sniffed that bowl. Ate a few chunks. And left more than 90% of that stuff.
I was like, “Oh I wish I could kill you.”. Whatever. Oh! Come on. Don’t be judgy. You’re one good diary.
I got back to my bed and fell flat. Until this time I had checked my phone more than 15 times. Still no texts from my lady.
I decided I should really leave the bed now as it is around 12 PM. So, I picked up my tooth brush. Wen’t to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and came back.
I checked my phone once again. Yeah, Good News Nick. You have a message from the girl of your life.
Seriously, whenever I get a text from her I am literally on cloud nine. Ishu, I love you so much. Wish I could open up my heart and show you how much special you are to me.
I texted her back. Only to find out that she had switched her mobile data OFF. I don’t exactly remember how much times have I told her to keep her mobile data to ON state. But only if she paid some heed to my words.
Facing this was like someone has slammed the door right at my face. But In a relationship you have to be patient. So, I simply put the phone back and sat on the bed. Wondering what to do next.
Then i remember that I have episodes of The Vampire Diaries on my laptop. So, I decided to spend time watching my favorite TV series.
I open up Season 5 Episode 17 and start watching it. A couple of 15 odd minutes later I feel the vibration of the my iPhone which was lying next to me. I see a call from a contact named Pari. This is what i call her. You can say personal kind of nick name. Coz she is more like an Angel to me.
I felt the adrenaline rush. I was so happy. I felt like that i was compensated.
But, I chose to ignore that call. I don’t know why. Maybe, because I was a little pissed off at her. Whatever.
The ring was not a regular one but a rather short one. So as soon as the vibration stopped a matrix of questions started rushing through my brain.
- Will She Call me back?
- Did I do wrong?
- I have called her more than 60 times yet she gave no response. Should I do the same?
Minutes passed yet quite opposite to my expectations I didn’t get a repeated callback.
My inner conscience was like. “Nick, come on. Get over it. Press that PLAY button on your keyboard and let’s just enjoy The Vampire Diaries.
I listened to it and played back that episode. A few seconds later I hear a ping. There was a message from her.
Nick mujhe tumse baat karni hai abhi call pe.
Again my conscience was screaming not to respond to that. But I said him, “Go to hell. I just love her so much.”
I slided the missed call notification to the right and placed a call to her.
Ring ring ring ring. Hello. Ah! there was the voice which I love more than anything in this world. The voice of my angel.
I sensed that something was wrong with her voice. At first, I thought she was crying. But why would anyone cry at the starting of the call. I ask her, “Are you okay?”. She says, “Yeah. I’m perfectly fine”. Then I said, “What happened to your voice. Have you caught cold?”.
Then she tells me that she has a sore throat. Again, many things start rushing through my mind.
Can’t she take care of herself?
Why does she have a sore throat? Did she shout on someone? Maybe her cousin sister who keeps sticking like a parasite on her.
Or did she drink much cold water?
I ask her, “Baby, what happened?”. To which she replied, “Nothing”.
I just hate it. Whenever she says that Nothing word.
Talks kept on going on. Suddenly she was like, “We’ll talk later. Bye”. And yeah, The Evil sister returns.
She texted me few moments later which said, “I hope you are not angry on me”. To which i said, “Nah, Never mind. I Love You.”
What a moment it was. When I was talking to her. I never wanted it to stop. I felt so good. But yeah, destiny.
Few hours later she texted me gain asking not to text or call her as her all evil sister has disclosed to her father that she keeps herself occupied with the phone all day long.
I said, “OK”.
Diary, seriously i hate her sister so much. She has married the man of her choice. Her’s was a love marriage. Then why is she trying to be the super savior of the world in our case.
Sis, please, go and occupy yourself with something much more important than this.
I have talked to one of her sister. What a lovely girl she is. I love her, for the way she understands the things. The way she is so polite.
Despite all of this I told myself that everything’s alright. She loves you the same. Just, relax. Samay hai, beetega jaroor.
And then I resume the episode of The Vampire Diaries.
I thought i should call Raj as Mr. Boss was not done with his food yet. So i dialed him up. No response. I said, “Fuck his ego”.
Minutes later i get a call back from him. I pickup ask when he will be coming home. 15 minutes. He says. I hang up.
Very true to his promise he comes. Opens the door of the room. Looks at the dog’s bowl. Picks up a few crumbs and examines it as if he was some sort of a detective. Gives a nasty look on his face. His ego. Man, come on. Get over it. It ain’t gonna take you anywhere.
The decoded meaning of that look was, “Saale ne kaise to rakh diya khaana iske liy”.
I chose to ignore him.
Diary, just think what a pathetic life i have. Where dogs get treated much more humane than me.
Raj comes into my room and says that he had dough-ed the flour. I should have made the chapatis for myself.
I was like, “Please, stop acting like you care. Stop being all oh-i-care-so-much kind of person”.
He says, “Roll the chapatis and bake them”. I was like, Excuse me?
But then i think this is the way to makeup and bonding so i agreed.
Diary, it is just up to you and me. I have never ever even washed my under garments at home. Not because I don’t know how to do it or I don’t wanna do it. But the reason is, “I never had to do it”.
And here I am. Rolling chapatis. Fuck my life.
While i was busy in the kitchen he was lying on the bed. Listening to the music. “Wake me up when you are done”, he says.
I was like Yes Sir. Any more orders you have left with to bark on?
Anyways, I just carried on. Finished with the work. Ate lunch. Generally I don’t eat until Ishu has finished with her meal. Not because I want to show off. Just because she is like a princess to me and I wanna treat her like one.
After lunch, I came back to my room. Switched on the laptop. Then this idea of writing a journal came into my mind. So i got equipped with this work.
Periodically checking if there is any message from her. And i only met disappointment.
I was feeling so alone and i wanted her to be by my side. Hug me and say, “Baby I’m right here with you. Everything will be alright.”. But only if she could spare a few minutes for me. I texted her how i was feeling. She was offline this time too. After a few moments i get text from her that says. “What happened? I’m there with you”. No words of affection or love. Oh! I wanna be dead.
Take a break.
It was around 5:30. That little brother bonding session with Raj has worked out well enough.
We dried clothes together after taking them out from the washing machine.
I was still not finished with the code of this online diary of mine. So, i got back to it.
I get a text from Ritu Di, my best friend’s sister, my best friend, my guide, my sister. I love her so much.
I don’t know what it contained but it made WhatsApp crash on my iPhone.
I tried all i could but it kept on crashing. Time and again. So I had to delete the app from my phone.
I immediately started download of the app again because i didn’t wanted to miss any single message from her (Ishu).
That moment Raj comes to me and says we have to go out. I put the phone in charging, turn on the do not disturb mode and went out with him.
All the time I was out I kept thinking that she might have texted me. She would be so stressed on why i won’t reply any of her messages.
I came back around 3 hours later. Rushed to my phone. Found 11 missed calls. 5 from Dad. 6 from Sister. Nine from the one i expected. No texts either.
Now just imagine how it would have felt. I kept on thinking about her this whole time i was out and there was not even a single response from her.
See diary? This is how alone I am. I have told her a thousand times that what she means to me and other stuffs.
I don’t wanna fight with her over this. I have tried all I could in order to make her care for me.
Many a times i feel that this relationship is one sided. I love her so much. I can’t afford to lose her. At any cost.
She once said that she was sorry that she never ever made me feel special. Always picks up fight with me. And many other things.
But the next day, all the same things. Over again.
Couldn’t she just show that she cares? The only thing she does is get pissed off of me.
I expect so much from her. I want her to be there by my side whenever i need her. But she doesn’t even have time to text me.
I am so scared to lose her. If she dumps me at any moment of my life. That day will be my dooms day.
Okay. Whatever. Doesn’t matter how much she hurts me. Or doesn’t live up to my expectations. I love her. Even if sometimes i tell her to go away, I love her. Whenever i say that i don’t wanna talk with you she is like, “Okay. Fine. Bye!”.
Just imagine how much it hurts me. I expect that she will say, “I understand that you are angry or pissed off at me but I love you. And i am not going to leave you.”. But no one gets what he wants in his life.
Diary, Even if she breaks up my heart into a million pieces. I will love her equally with all the broken pieces.
I am missing her so much right now. Wish she was close to me right now. I could hug her tightly. Kiss her and say, “I love you so much”. Cuddle her and sleep with her in my arms.
And see the Irony of the moment, she might be sleeping at her place. Quite unaware of what i am feeling about her. How much i am missing her.
But it’s just between you and me diary.
It’s 1:45 AM now and i should be sleeping right now. She didn’t even kiss goodnight to me. I am sleepless as of now.
Okay diary. Enough of the feelings shared. I know you are just a piece of code lying somewhere on this website but even you would be thinking how pathetic my life is.
Feeling sleepy dear diary. Let me tuck you to bed and kiss you good night.
Will see you again tomorrow. With more of the happenings of my life.
Goodnight dear Diary.